How much is your husband really spending in the strip club

Over the last two weeks, Miami Beach politicians and some residents have lost their minds over rumors that King of Diamonds might open a second strip club on Ocean Drive, South Florida’s primary tourism hub. It got me thinking that out-of-towners looking to patronize our local gentlemanly establishments need some guidance when visiting a strip club that caters to people of color and a titty bar that markets to a crowd with much fairer complexion. I’m more than happy to oblige.

Whether it’s a night out at white or black strip club, you’re going to need at least $500. The difference is how you spend those five stacks. At the white strip club, a customer will take one dollar, ball it up and toss it on stage. Or he might put the bill in his mouth and then stuff it in a dancer’s cleavage or her g-string. No one is juicing him to buy a bottle, but he’ll shell out $200 between stage tips and individual drinks. He’ll spend the other $300 taking a dancer to a private back room where they can make a more personal connection.

At a black strip club, customers are encouraged to spend their money out in the open. If you want everyone in the spot to know your the Don of all Dons, you buy a $200 bottle for your table and shower 300 dollar bills on strippers dancing on stage or at the table. Black strip clubs have private rooms too. But when you come back out, everybody is looking at you like a pervert.

The musical selection and the entertainers are also key differentiators. Djs at white strip clubs play top 40 electronic dance music, while djs at black strip clubs play local rappers who can’t get their songs played on FM radio. At white strip clubs, the girls dance in slow motion and their saline enhancements are on top and in the front. At black strip clubs, the dancers booty-shake at 400 miles per hour and their saline enhancements are near the bottom and in the back.

And, most importantly, neither white or black strip clubs tolerate thirsty, broke ass mother fuckers. So if you ain’t got no money, stay at the hotel with the wife

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